Flashbacks
by Divawannabe24
Summary: Johnny and Shawna Gage celebrated their 25th Wedding Anniversary, but when Shawna gets shot in the line of duty, can Johnny face the possibilty that he might lose the only woman that he ever really loved?
1. Chapter 1

John Roderick Gage was standing in front of the fireplace on his 25th wedding anniversary looking at the wedding photo of him, his beautiful wife Shawna, and the rest of their friends from Station 51 and Rampart Emergency Hospital. He was remembering the days that led up to their wedding. He was sitting at the table looking at the three wedding invitations that his fiancé, Lt. Shawna Williams had dropped off for him. They were getting married in June and she needed to know which invitation that he liked.

"Looks like Shawna left you with a hard decision, Gage." Chet Kelly replied when he saw his friend sitting at the table looking over three invitations.

"Yeah and I don't know which one to pick. I told her that whatever she wanted for the wedding would be fine with me. I wouldn't mind just having a small wedding but I've heard that women want a church wedding."

"They do pal." Captain Hank Stanley replied as he walked in on the conversation with the rest of the crew of Station 51. "Women like to have the church wedding, the white dress, the flowers, and then the reception."

"But why do I have to help pick things out?" Johnny grumbled as he looked over the three invitations.

"It's because she wants your advice. She would like for you to let her know what you want and don't want in this wedding. So that when you guys have been married for ten years, you won't complain that you didn't have a chocolate cake, or shrimp at the reception." Roy DeSoto, his partner for the last seven years told him.

"I still remember the first time that I saw Shawna." Johnny replied as he was looking over the invitations.

"The day that we responded to the fire at the orphanage?" Roy asked.

"I thought that she was just there to help out, it wasn't until about three months later that I found out that she financed all three of the orphanages here in Los Angeles County."

"I still remember the look on your face when you saw her take off toward the building when she realized that there was still a child inside." Hank remarked as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"I don't know who reached that front entrance first, you or her." Roy replied.

"I think it was a tie." Johnny replied with a boyish grin. "I remember telling her that I would go in and she pulled away from me and took off inside."

"I still remember the two of you getting into an argument when she walked out with the boy in her arms." Chet chimed in on the conversation.

"She seemed very professional though when she told you that she knew the risk she was taking when she ran back into the building." Roy replied.

"I guess that I just didn't like the fact that she took the risk even if I didn't know her."

"And what about the day that you found out she was a police officer." Chet remarked.

"I still remember the day that she walked up to our display at the high school's career day. One of the kids said 'Hi Shawna' and when you saw her in that uniform I thought that you were going to faint." Roy remarked with a slight laugh.

"It wasn't funny, Roy. I didn't even know that she was a police officer until that day. She never said anything about her job."

"And you never asked." They all turned when they heard a female voice behind them.

"Hi sweetheart," Johnny said smiling as he walked over and kissed her, "I didn't know that you were stopping by today."

"I was in the neighborhood and thought that I'd stop in and see what you thought of the invitations. How are you guys?" She asked the other five men in the kitchen.

"We're doing just fine. How have you been? We haven't seen you around here for over a week." Hank replied.

"I'm doing fine. I've been busy training a new class so I've not been on the streets this week. One of the other officers has them on the range for a couple of hours so that gave me some time to get away. I stopped by Chief Hauts office and he has said that he's going to stand down 51 from 12 to 6, on June 16, 1979, for our wedding day. He said that he might try to get one of the other stations to come here and cover the watch for those six hours."

"That's great. How did you talk the chief into doing that?" Hank asked.

"I just asked if he would stand the station down for a few hours so that everyone could come to our wedding. Since Johnny worked all three shifts and I knew all of the guys, I felt like everyone would like to come to the wedding. He said that he thought that would be a great idea. So which invitation have you picked out?" She asked as she poured a cup of coffee and looked over Johnny's shoulder at the three cards lying on the table.

"I haven't. I can't decide which one I like. Have you thought about where we are going to have the ceremony?" Johnny asked as she sat down beside him.

"As a matter of fact, I have. I've been thinking about having it at my ranch."

"Your ranch?" Chet replied. They both just looked at him and Shawna smiled.

"Yes, my ranch. Here's how I thought we could do it," she replied as she pulled a small notebook from her shirt pocket, "I have all of this space her that we can use for parking. I can hire a couple of guys to park cars. They can turn them around and have everyone headed back down the driveway." She replied as she drew out the plans.

"OK." Johnny replied.

"Then, I have the arch there at the sidewalk entrance, I thought that you and the preacher could stand there, and then I'll come down and meet you there."

"Who is going to walk you down the aisle?" Chet asked.

"Chet will you please?" Johnny started but Shawna stopped him.

"He's OK. I don't know yet. I have someone in mind that I'm going to ask today and if he says no then I'll go to my backup plan." She replied with a smile.

"Sounds good to me." Chet replied.

"Thanks Chet." Shawna replied with a laugh.

"What else?" Johnny asked.

"Well, we can have everyone seated right outside the fence. The ground is level so there won't be a problem there. Then I'll have tables set up over here on this side of the house and we can have the food either catered or do a cookout. Which one do you all like?" She asked the men.

"Cookout." They all replied.

"Just like a man." She laughed. "What about you?" She asked Johnny as he was looking over the small drawing in front of him.

"Cookout sounds good to me."

"OK, cookout it is. Then I figure that I can get a dance floor set up over here on this side of the house and have a DJ come in to play the music. Then once everyone leaves, we'll spend the night at the ranch and then leave the next morning for two weeks in Hawaii." She replied with a smile.

"Sounds like a pretty good plan." Johnny replied and Shawna noticed the tone in his voice as if he was thinking about the cost.

"Hey, why don't you walk me out?" She asked and then took his hand. "I'll talk to you all later." She told the men as they stood to walk out.

"Don't be a stranger around here." Hank told her as he kissed her on the cheek.

"I won't." She replied and then walked out the door. Once outside, she turned towards Johnny. "What's wrong?"

"What?" He asked as if he were in a daze.

"What's wrong? I noticed that your tone changed in there when I mentioned having the ceremony at my place."

"I was just thinking how much this is going to cost." He replied and couldn't bear to look her in the eyes.

"Johnny, it's the bride who pays for the wedding. I'm not worried about the cost, I'm just worried about having everything picked out and ready for the ceremony. The preacher has us booked, I've got the cakes ordered, and now I'll go order the food. I have to get the invitations to the printer and write a wedding announcement. Plus, we haven't heard from your family yet so, we don't know whether they are coming or not, but I do have a whole floor reserved at the hotel for them.." She replied as she placed her hand on his cheek and tilted his head upward so she could look into his big brown eyes.

"Johnny. Johnny." He suddenly snapped out of the daze that he was in.

"What? Did you say something, Roy?"

"Are you OK? You're missing a great party."

"I was just thinking about this day twenty-five years ago. Remember the fun that we had at the reception outside?" Johnny asked with a slight laugh.

"How could I forget? That was the day when you accidentally hit Chet with a horseshoe." Roy recalled with a laugh.

"Oh man, I thought that I had killed him."

"So did everyone else. He was out cold. When he did come around, Brackett wanted to transport him to Rampart but Chet refused to go. He said that he didn't want to ruin your reception."

"Remember what Shawna told him?"

"Told who?" A familiar voice asked.

"Told you the day we got married when I accidentally hit you with a horseshoe."

"I think I recall her telling me that if I died at her wedding, she would revive me and then kill me herself." Chet remarked with a laugh. "She was tough back then."

"She still is." Johnny replied with a smile.

"It's hard to believe that you two have been married for twenty-five years and she hasn't killed you." Chet told his friend.

"Yet!" Johnny and Roy both replied.

"I still remember that day as if it were yesterday." Johnny replied as he looked across the house and saw Shawna in the kitchen with Joanne DeSoto and Dixie McCall Brackett.

The original A-shift of Station 51 had moved up the career ladder. Johnny and Roy were both Battalion Chiefs with two different sections of Los Angeles County. Mike, Marco, and Chet were all captains. In addition, their boss, Captain Hank Stanley, had made chief but had died in the line of duty when he was caught in a building explosion five years earlier in 1999. The men had all lived with the fear that 9/11 had brought and the way that it changed the country.

"I can't believe that the kids planned this gathering." Shawna told the two women.

"They have been planning this all year." Joanne replied as she picked up a soda.

"Your grandkids spent the night with our grandkids in the basement just so Katie and Brad could take you two out this morning and allow everyone to come out here."

"I was a little suspicious when they offered to take us out and then they said that the kids had something planned, but I never dreamed that they had all of this planned."

"I can't believe that it's been 25 years since you and Johnny got married. You still look as young as you did back then." Dixie told her as they all walked outside.

"I think that you need to have your eyes examined if you think that I look anything like I did back then." Shawna replied as she watched the guy's start a game of horseshoes. "Chet you be careful." She called out and everyone started laughing..

"I will." He replied as the ladies sat at one of the picnic tables and continued their conversation.

"Is Johnny OK?" Joanne asked as she too had noticed Johnny lost in thought earlier.

"Yes. There are times that I catch him looking at the photo of our wedding and I know that he is thinking of Hank and Joe."

"It's hard to believe that they aren't around anymore." Dixie replied.

"I still remember the day that each one passed away. There are days that I still see Joe suddenly collapsing here in the yard and there was nothing that six people with medical training could do to save him." Shawna said softly as she watched her grandchildren playing with the grandchildren of the other firemen.

"I know that Kel almost left Rampart after that day." Dixie told the others.

"Roy almost left the paramedic program too."

"Johnny was going to leave too. He talked to me about leaving and I told him that if he did that he would be dishonoring Joe's memory."

"That's what I told Kel."

"I told Roy that it was his decision but that I didn't think that's what Joe would have wanted." Suddenly everyone around heard 'Gramma.'

"Oh that's my cue. Excuse me." Shawna got up and went over to where the kids were playing. Johnny and the others stopped to watch her.

"Why did Mandi call for Shawna?" Chet asked Johnny.

"They always call for Shawna when they get hurt or don't feel well.."

"Of course, grandma makes things better." Roy replied.

"She sure does. Excuse me fellows." Johnny replied as he walked toward the house.

"What do we have here?" Shawna asked as she bent down to look at her eight-year-old granddaughter's leg.

"I have an owie." Mandi replied as she wiped a tear away.

"Well why don't we go inside and I'll fix your owie." Shawna replied as she took her granddaughter's hand.

"OK." The two women walked back across the yard and went inside.

"She OK?" Johnny asked about two minutes later as he walked into the bathroom; saw Mandi sitting on the sink, and Shawna applying a band-aid to her leg.

"She OK?" Katie came in behind her dad.

"She's fine. She just skinned her leg."

"And Gramma fixed me up." The little girl with big brown eyes and a missing tooth replied.

"I can see that." Katie replied to her daughter. "Just be careful." She told her as she started out the door.

"I will." They all heard and then laughter from all the other kids.

"She always wants Gramma." Katie replied as she watched her little girl run back outside to play.

"Just like her mother used to want mommy." Johnny replied as he gently squeezed his daughter's shoulder. "I was the paramedic but when any of you were hurt, you wanted mommy."

"Kids are like that dear. Mommy always makes things better." Shawna replied with a smile as she wrapped her arms around Johnny's neck and kissed him. Brad walked into the house, saw his parents kissing each other, and coughed. "Hello Brad." Shawna replied when she broke the kiss.

"Mom, we have another surprise for you and dad. I need you to go upstairs with Katie and dad I need you to come with me." Their oldest son Brad told his parents.

"What are you up to Bradley Michael Gage?" Shawna asked as she looked at the two oldest of their eight children.

"It's a surprise but we think you'll like it. Now, please go on upstairs with Katie. Everyone is outside getting ready." He told his mother as he kissed her cheek. Shawna and Johnny went with their kids to get ready for their next surprise. Meanwhile outside, their other six kids were helping prepare for the next step in the anniversary party.

"Allen, let's get these chairs set up over here." His sister Kelsey was directing the set up. "Chris, do you and Billy care to help?" She asked Chris DeSoto and Billy Stoker.

"Sure." They answered in unison. The DeSoto kids and the Stoker kids had grown up together with Katie and her other brothers and sisters that Johnny and Shawna had adopted, but Chris fell for Amy Stoker and his sister, Jennifer, had fallen for Billy Stoker. Eventually they married making both the DeSoto and Stoker families bigger, and thrilled their families once they started bringing grandchildren into the families.

"I can't believe that these kids decided to do a wedding for a 25th anniversary party." Kelly Brackett remarked to Mike Stoker.

"I couldn't either but then you would have to figure that those kids would do something wonderful for their parents. After all, Johnny and Shawna took eight kids from the orphanage, each of them brothers and sisters, and brought them into a family." Mike replied thinking about each time Johnny had told them that they were going to adopt two more kids.

"The funny thing is, they never adopted infants. They always took in the older children. Made them feel like they were wanted and they never played favorites with any of them. They treated them all the same and gave each one the education that they wanted." Kelly replied. "I remember the first time that Johnny said Brad was going into the paramedic program."

"I remember that day too. He came into the station upset and Capt. Stanley asked what was wrong. Johnny told us that Brad had decided to join the paramedic program. He was proud of his son but he preferred that he go into a different line of work."

"What did Hank tell Johnny?"

"He told Johnny that he knew how he felt but the he should be proud that his son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps."

"So what are you two guys talking about?" Johnny asked as he walked up to his two friends, looking all dashing in his black tuxedo.

"The day that Brad told you he wanted to join the paramedic program." Mike replied.

"I remember that day. I was proud that Brad wanted to follow my footsteps, but I was also worried about him. I knew how dangerous this job is and I just prayed every day when he became a paramedic that he wouldn't get hurt. Can you believe that these kids have pulled off recreating our wedding day? This is amazing. I can just imagine the tears that Shawna is crying right now. Do either of you know who they have walking her down the aisle this time? I know that she would've loved to have had Hank here just like we all would."

"It's hard to believe that he has been gone for five years." Mike replied.

"I know that Shawna blames herself at times because she was there when the building collapsed and she couldn't get to Hank."

"I think that you'll like who is going to walk your wife down the aisle." Kel replied.

"Mom you look absolutely stunning." Katie told her mother as she looked into the mirror at her mother. Shawna looked at her reflection in the mirror and the dress that the girls had picked out was simple yet elegant. It was a beautiful cream color sleeveless dress, with a matching jacket and knee length skirt. The jacket was adorned all in sequins and had pearl buttons on the front.

"Katie, I can't believe that you kids pulled something like this off and we never knew anything about it." Shawna replied as she gently wiped a tear away.

"We just thought that you and daddy would like to renew your vows in front of your family and friends."

"Sweetheart, this is the best anniversary present that you kids could give us." Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" Shawna asked.

"It's Brad."

"Come in." Brad came in and stopped as he looked at his sister and mother standing there in front of him.

"What's wrong?" Shawna asked worried.

"Nothing mom. You look absolutely amazing. I know that dad is going to fall in love with you all over again."

"Are you sure that I look OK?"

"You look fine but you are missing just a few things."

"Such as?"

"I believe it's customary to have something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue."

"Bradley that's for new brides." Shawna replied as she took a Kleenex and dabbed at the tear in her eye.

"That's for all brides, mom." Katie replied.

"This is the something old." Brad told her as he handed her a small square box. Shawna opened the box and inside was the lace handkerchief that she carried at the first wedding.

"Where did you find this?" She asked as she looked at the two kids. Even though her children were all adults, they would still be children to her.

"Morgan found it upstairs one day and she thought that we could use it one day." Katie replied as she handed her mom the second box. "This is the something new and something blue." Shawna took the slender box and when she opened it, there was a beautiful tennis bracelet with diamonds and sapphires.

"Guys, this is too much. Why aren't the other kids up here too?"

"They wanted the two of us to give these to you so they could finish setting up outside." Brad replied. "And now for the something borrowed." He handed her another slender box and when she opened it, she saw Joanne DeSoto's gold bracelet.

"Joanne's bracelet?"

"Yes. She said that she would be honored for you to wear it. You've become a big part of her family and she loved you like a sister." Shawna wiped the tears away with the Kleenex and looked at Brad and Katie.

"OK, so who do you have walking me down the aisle to Johnny?"

"You'll find out when you get downstairs. Now what do you say we get this wedding on the road?" Brad asked as he gave his mother a hug.

"I'm ready." Shawna replied and checked her makeup one last time.

"OK, I'll go and get dad in place and then you ladies come out. Mom, we'll have the bridal music ready when you get downstairs." The two adults left the room and then Shawna opened the door and came down the stairs. Once she reached the bottom, she was greeted with a familiar voice.

"Are you ready, Mrs. Gage?" She turned and there stood Roy in a tuxedo grinning from ear to ear.

"Oh my gosh. Roy, you look so handsome."

"I know that I'm not Hank but the kids didn't think that you and Johnny would mind if I walked you down the aisle this time."

"I would be honored." Shawna replied as she took his arm and then leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"What was that for?" He asked blushing.

"For being a friend." They waited and then heard the tunes of the bridal march start. Roy opened the screen door and they both walked outside. You could hear all of the oohs and aah's as they stepped outside. Shawna saw the smile on Johnny's face when he saw his best friend walk his wife down the aisle. Then he flashed back to 25 years ago and saw his captain, Hank Stanley, walking his fiancée down the same aisle. Shawna and Johnny were standing so that they faced their family and friends and the preacher had his back toward the crowd.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in the bonds of Holy Matrimony. If anyone has any objections to this union, let them speak now or forever hold your peace." They all waited and no one spoke. "Who gives this woman away?" He asked.

"We do!" All of their kids and grandkids shouted. Everyone laughed at the outburst.

"Thanks guys." Shawna replied with a laugh as she and Johnny looked at all eight of their kids: Brad and his sister Katie; Allen and his brother Steve; Kelsey and her sister Morgan; and Rick and his sister Michelle.

"Do you Johnny Roderick Gage take Shawna to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, from this day forward. For better or worse. For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health, 'til death do you part?"

"I do." Johnny replied with a smile that always captured Shawna's heart.

"Do you Shawna Joanne Gage take Johnny to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, from this day forward. For better or worse. For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health, 'til death do you part?"

"I do." She replied with a wink.

"May I have the rings please?" The preacher asked and their oldest grandson, Jackson Henry Gage, walked up carrying a small pillow.

"Johnny, if you will take this ring, place it on her left hand, and repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed."

"With this ring, I thee wed." Johnny repeated as he slipped the ring on Shawna's left hand.

"Shawna, if you take this ring, place it on Johnny's left hand, and repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed."

"With this ring, I thee wed." Shawna repeated as she slipped the ring on Johnny's finger.

"Ladies and gentlemen, what God hath joined together, let no man puteth under. By the powers vested in me, by the state of California, I know pronounce you two man and wife. You may kiss the bride." Johnny kissed Shawna and it felt just like it did 25 years ago. Everyone began to clap and whistle for the couple.

The anniversary party/wedding went onto for a few more hours. They said goodbye to the guys of Station 51, around 5:30p.m., since they had to get back to work. Everyone else stayed until almost 9p.m. The kids had cleaned up the party and then everyone left and went to their homes or to the hotels where they were staying.

"Can you believe those kids?" Shawna asked as she started to walk into the house.

"Hold it just a minute, Mrs. Gage." He replied as he stopped her.

"Why?" She asked not thinking that he was going to carry her across the threshold.

"I believe that it's customary for the husband to carry his bride across the threshold."

"Johnny Gage don't you dare. You'll throw your back out." She told him as he picked her up. He carried her across the threshold, set her down, and then kissed her the way he did the first time they were married.

"You're just as beautiful as you were the first time that we were married." He told her and he held her close not wanting to let her go. The sounds of Exile's "Kiss You All Over" could be heard as they slow danced

"And you're just as handsome. Johnny?"

"Yes."

"Do you ever regret that we never had kids of our own? I mean kids to carry on the Gage bloodline." She asked as she looked into his big brown eyes.

"No way. Yes, there were times when I wished that we could've had children to carry on my bloodline, but I've never regretted the fact that we adopted all of those kids. Just look at the beautiful grandchildren that we have to show for it." He replied as he kissed her forehead. Little did either one of them know as they stood there dancing, that in seven months both of their lives would be changed.


	2. Chapter 2

Johnny and Shawna Gage had celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary on June 16, 2004. Their eight children, that they had adopted, had arranged for a wonderful celebration for them and their friends. They renewed their wedding vows in front of their family and friends, and at different times, each reminiscing about the days that had led up to them getting married. Each also remembered how they all lost Chief Hank Stanley and Dr. Joe Early. The holidays had passed with all of the chaos that Shawna loved. She and Johnny had their kids and grandkids home for the Christmas holiday and she loved it. They were taking pictures and videos of the kids having a blast. The California weather was perfect. It was 80 degrees every day and the grandkids loved being able to play outside. Shawna was fixing dinner when she heard 'Gramma'.

"Grandpa has an owie." Jake, her eight year-old grandson, remarked when she walked into the living room. She couldn't help but hide a smile when walked into the living room and saw four of her grandchildren piled on Johnny.

"What are you kids doing?" She asked.

"Grandpa said that we couldn't drag him down and keep him down." Bryson, her nine year-old grandson replied.

"So we all ganged up on him and pulled him down and now he says that he can't get up." Amanda, her 10 year-old granddaughter replied.

"OK, everyone off of grandpa." They all scattered and Shawna knelt down beside Johnny. "Are you OK?"

"No and it's not funny." He remarked when he noticed the smile she had on her face.

"Well, you should know better then to dare your grandchildren to do something like this. Where are you hurt?" She asked as she ran her hand over his lower back and then felt the muscle spasm.

"Right there." He winced as she applied a little bit of pressure. "Ouch."

"I know that it hurts, but I think that I can massage it out and get the muscle to relax." She leaned over and gently began to massage Johnny's lower back to help relax the muscle.

"Mom is dad OK?" Katie asked as she and some of the others came through the front door.

"He's fine. He was wrestling with the kids and had a muscle spasm. How are you doing?" She asked her six-month pregnant daughter.

"I'm doing fine. Dr. Stevens said that the baby and I are just fine and that I'll still be able to fly home after the first of the year."

"That's great sweetheart. Ouch." Johnny replied. "Mom and I want you to take it easy while you are here. You are not to do anything stressful or any heavy lifting."

"Daddy, I'm pregnant, not incapacitated. Dr. Stevens said that I could still do my daily three-mile walks, just as long as I don't do the brisk walking. He said that the baby's heartbeat it really strong."

"As long as you're here, and as long as you're pregnant, you're going to listen to me. Do I make myself clear? Ouch." He asked as he looked at his oldest daughter who would be having her third child around the end of March or beginning of April.

"Yes, daddy. I understand." She replied and blew him a kiss. "I'm going to grab an apple."

"Don't eat too much. I have a meatloaf in the oven and the potatoes are on the stove." Shawna told her kids as she continued to work the muscle in Johnny's lower back.

"Anything that we can do mom?" Kelsey asked.

"Sure, if you want to finish dinner, I'm going to help daddy upstairs to the bedroom so he can rest his back." She told them as she helped Johnny to his feet.

"I'm fine." Johnny told her and winced when he tried to straighten.

"No, you're not fine. Now you're going to go upstairs and stretch out on the bed. Then when dinner is ready, I'll bring you a tray up."

"Grandpa, we're sorry." Bryson and the other grandkids stood at the door and they noticed that the kids were crying.

"What's wrong Bryson?" Shawna asked as she walked over to the kids.

"We hurt grandpa." He replied as he sniffed and wiped a tear away.

"I'm going to be fine, Bryson." Johnny told the kids. "My back will work itself out. Don't you kids worry about me."

"Grandpa is tough. Now you kids go on outside and behave. Dinner will be ready in about an hour." She told her grandkids and wiped the tears from the little boys' cheeks.

"Do you need us to help dad upstairs?" Rick asked.

"No that's OK. I can get him up there. Thanks anyway. Now don't let the meatloaf burn." Shawna told the four kids that were standing in front of her. She turned and slowly helped Johnny upstairs to their bedroom. The log cabin was a very spacious place but it was also homey. Windows lined the front of the house, at night you could see the warm glow of soft lights, or on occasions, a roaring fire as you pulled into the yard.

"Here we go." She replied as she opened the door to their master bedroom. Johnny had loved the way that Shawna had decorated her home once she rebuilt it. She had lost the house while they were dating and had almost died when some timbers fell and pinned her in the basement. She was lucky when some of her officers came by the house and found her unconscious. Johnny thought that he was going to lose her when she remained in a coma for a week. He stayed by her bedside until she opened her big brown eyes.

"Thanks." He replied as he leaned in and kissed her on the lips. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in closer for a deeper kiss. He began to untuck her shirt and she stopped him.

"Johnny, we can't."

"Why not?" He asked as he started to kiss her again.

"The kids are downstairs, your back is bothering you, and it's almost dinner time."

"Those are excuses."

"They might be excuses but to me they are pretty good excuses." She replied with a smile. "Now, I want you to stretch out on the bed and relax. I'll bring you up a tray when dinner is ready. And if you're good, I'll bring a plate for me too."

"OK, I'll be good." He replied with that boyish grin that she loved since the first time that she met him at the orphanage fire.

"Now, I want you to relax and I'm going to go check on dinner."

"I have a better idea, why don't you let the kids handle dinner and you stay here with me and we can both relax."

"Only," she replied as she pointed a finger at him, "if you promise to behave yourself."

"I promise." He told her with his boyish grin. Shawna cuddled with Johnny until she heard his breathing ease into a slow pattern and then he started to snore softly. She laid there beside him with her hand on his chest, just listening to him breath and listening to his heartbeat. Once she was sure that he was asleep, she gently eased off the bed and came back downstairs.

"Where's dad?" Rick asked when she walked into the kitchen.

"He's upstairs asleep."

"We're going to talk to the kids and tell them that they can't be wrestling with grandpa like that anymore." Steve replied as he pulled out the thick paper plates.

"You'll do no such thing. If I know Johnny, and I do, he was just as much to blame for this as the kids were. He's going to be fine. He just had a muscle spasm. I don't want to hear any of you say one word to those kids." Shawna reprimanded as she checked on the meatloaf.

"Mom, you are always defending the kids." Michelle replied as she grabbed the plastic cups and forks for the kids. It was 80 degrees and the kids wanted to eat outside and so did a few of the adults.

"Of course I'll defend those kids the same way that I always defended you kids when you weren't in the wrong. Besides, they were just playing."

"Yes but you and daddy aren't…" Morgan started to reply.

"Watch it Morgan." Shawna stopped her daughter in mid sentence. "I know what you're about to say and even though I am older than Johnny, I can still kick anyone's butt here."

"And trust me she has." They heard and then turned and saw Johnny standing in the doorway.

"What are you doing up?" Shawna asked as she walked over to her husband.

"I woke up and you were gone. Besides, I haven't missed a family dinner at this table and I'm not about to start. Now what's this I heard about the grandkids?"

"I told them that they are not to say a word to those kids for you having the muscle spasm."

"Your mother is right. You are not to say one word to those kids. This was my fault when I dared them to try and keep me down." Johnny replied as he made his way to the table.

"Daddy really." Morgan replied. "You and mom shouldn't be wrestling with the kids. You two aren't…"

"Morgan, I'm warning you." Shawna replied not too nicely. "If you say that we aren't spring chickens then I'm going to turn you over me knee."

"Well, mom you are in your early 60's and daddy is in his mid-50's." Kelsey replied for her sister.

"I know how old we are young lady. However, if I'm capable of keeping up my certification with the LAPD, then I think I can take on a few grandkids. Besides, I may be a captain but I still get out on the streets and arrest the criminals just like the guys I help to train." Shawna replied as she took the meatloaf out of the oven and set it on the counter. "Now why don't you all get the kids in here and get them washed up for dinner."

"Yes ma'am." She heard all eight of her children reply. Fifteen minutes later all 16 of their grandkids were standing in line as Shawna handed them a plate. All of the grandkids went outside to eat and so did some of the kids and their spouses. Four of the kids and their spouses stayed inside with Johnny and Shawna. They all had a pleasant dinner, talking about how they were going to start the preparations for the Christmas dinner tomorrow.

After the tables were cleared, the trash gathered, and the food put away they all went outside to watch the kids play. They had a big enough front yard and the kids had started a game of baseball. Shawna and some of the others joined in on the game. All of the grandkids wanted Gramma to pitch. Shawna pitched and everyone was surprised when one of the older kids hit the ball right at her and she caught it right in front of her face.

"Mom, that was close." Steve replied as they changed sides.

"Tell me about it. Good thing I have such good reflexes." She replied with a smile. Steve pitched to them and they had the bases loaded when Shawna stepped up to bat. She hit a home run and as she was running the bases, she picked her littlest granddaughter, Alexis, and helped her run the bases. As she would round a base, she would set Alexis on the base, then she would touch the base and they would take off again. Alexis' laugh was so loud that everyone started laughing.

"Again Gramma. Again." Alexis giggled as they touched the home plate.

"We'll see sweetheart." She told her granddaughter as she kissed her forehead. They finished the game and Shawna's team won. Alexis was tickled when she was picked up and run around the bases two more times. They kissed half of the family, who was staying out at Johnny's house, good night and kissed the grandkids too. All of the others gave their mom and dad a good night kiss and went to their bedrooms for the night. Johnny and Shawna stayed downstairs snuggled on the sofa for about half an hour and then they went upstairs.

"How would you like a nice massage?" Shawna asked Johnny as she leaned in and kissed him deeply. He loved kissing his wife and he began to untuck her shirt. "I said a massage." She replied as she grabbed his hands to stop him.

"But I'd love to make love to you." He replied as he leaned in and kissed her neck.

"I'd love that too but I don't want you to hurt yourself tonight. I'll make a deal with you." She told him as she took his hand out from under her shirt and then she began to unbutton his shirt.

"What kind of deal?"

"I'll give you a really nice massage tonight and then tomorrow while everyone is gone to the movies, we'll have a nice long love making session." She replied with a wink.

"Promise?"

"I promise. They are going out to eat tomorrow afternoon and then they are going to take the kids to one of the Christmas movies. We'll have at least three or four hours together."

"I forgot about the movies."

"OK."

"No, I promised Tyler and Jackson that I'd go with them to the movies."

"That's OK. You go with the boys and then maybe the day after Christmas we can have some fun. Now I'm going to go and get the massage oil. You go ahead and get undressed down to your boxers and then I'll give you a really relaxing massage." She told him as she leaned in and kissed him again. She changed into her satin pj's, grabbed her warming massage oil, a couple of candles, and came out of the bathroom. Johnny was lying on the bed with the covers pulled up to his lower back. He had put on some soft music, and was lying on his stomach with his arms under his neck.

Shawna lit the candles, turned their lights out, and climbed onto the bed beside Johnny. She opened the bottle of warming massage oil, rubbed it in her hands to warm the liquid, and then gently started working on Johnny's shoulders. She then began to work on his toned back. Johnny was part Indian so he had a tan to his skin.

"MMM." He moaned as she gently applied pressure to his back.

"Feel good?"

"MMM, yes. I've always loved getting a massage from you. I remember when I told the guys at the station how good you could give a back massage and they were all jealous."

"Really?" She replied as she gently began to work on the right side where he'd had the muscle spasm early. She felt him flinch a little when she hit the muscle. "Still sore?"

"A little." She remembered one time when they had gone out to a local bar and someone wanted to pick a fight with Johnny over her. They were playing pool when this guy decided he'd pick a fight with Johnny.

******************************************************************

"Hey Injun. What are you doing off the reservation?" He had asked and then he hit Johnny's cue stick. "I'm talking to you."

"I heard you. You know we Injun's are allowed off the reservation now." Johnny replied calmly. Suddenly the guy grabbed him by his shirt and jerked him closer.

"So you're a wise guy huh? You know I don't like wise guys." He replied and I saw him grab Johnny's cue stick. I reached into my purse, pulled out my badge, and flashed it behind Johnny's head. The guy and his friends saw the badge and he decided to back off. Things had been fine after that until we left and one of the guys said 'Night officer.' and then Johnny realized what had happened.

****************************************************************

"MMM babe that feels wonderful." She heard and then snapped back to the present.

"I told you that you would like a massage. Why don't you go ahead and close your eyes. Try to get some sleep. You tossed and turned all night last night."

"MM. Ok." She kept up the massage and then remembered what happened when they left the bar.

*******************************************************************

"How did he know that you were a cop?" Johnny asked once we were outside.

"I don't know, maybe I've arrested him before." I replied as we walked toward Johnny's Land Rover.

"I don't think so; otherwise, he would've recognized you while we were playing pool."

"I don't know why he suddenly backed off." I replied nervously.

"I think you do. I think that you flashed your badge and that's why he and his buddies backed off."

"And if I did would that matter?"

"Yes, it would matter. I was ready to defend myself in there and I was ready to defend your honor."

"It wasn't my honor that I was worried about. I didn't want to have to spend the rest of the evening in the ER and then at the police station filling out a police report."

"So you admit that you flashed your badge in there." He asked angrily.

"What if I did Johnny? I was thinking about those three guys ganging up on you, beating the living daylights out of you because you're with me, and then maybe trying to gang up on me. I'm sorry if I hurt your pride."

****************************************************************

She was suddenly jolted back to the present by the ringing of the telephone.

"Hello. Yes, this is Capt. Gage. OK, I'll be right there." Johnny rolled over and barely opened his eyes.

"Who was that?"

"The station. There's some kind of problem down there and they need me to come down." She replied as she started changing clothes.

"Do you want me to go with you?" he asked groggily.

"No. Listen, you just go back to sleep and I'll be back before you know it." She told him as she leaned over and kissed him. "Go back to sleep."

"OK. Be careful." He replied as he closed his eyes again.

"I will." She whispered and then left to go to work. It took her about thirty minutes to drive to the station and when she arrived there was all kinds of chaos happening. "What the…" She stopped mid-sentence when she saw about 100 people standing in the station.

"Capt. Gage. I'm sorry that I had to call you but I didn't know what else to do." Officer Jason Kelly replied. He looked so much like his dad Chet did 25 years ago.

"What's going on Kelly?"

"There was a concert at one of the clubs. Some of the patrons started getting out of hand and then several fights started breaking out."

"I'm going to kick your teeth down your throat."

"Try it you punk." Shawna turned toward the disturbance and saw the two guys about ready to go for round two.

"If either one of you even throws the first punch I'll put both of your butts in a cell together for 24 hours. Now sit down and shut up." Shawna told the two men rather loudly and when she did, everyone shut up and the station became quiet.

"Nice technique. I'd like to learn that one day." Kelly told his boss.

"You will. Show them who the boss is but still be respectful. They respect you and you respect them. Now, I want everyone processed, and then sent home."

"What about bail?"

"Just process them and let them go for now. Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention?" She stood in front of a station full of half-drunk people.

"What's up lady?" One of the men stuttered.

"The name is Capt. Gage not lady. We are going to process all of you tonight, call cabs for those of you who shouldn't be driving, and then sending everyone home. I am going to make one stipulation to your release tonight."

"What's that, Capt. Gage?" The man asked.

"I want everyone to post a $100 bail tonight."

"Ooh." Everyone moaned.

"It's either that or you spend the night in jail. You decide." She heard more moans. "Look, I'm giving you the option of either paying $100 in bail or cooling your heels in a cell. NOW, WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE?" She asked raising her voice enough that the room went silent.

"We'll pay the bail." Someone responded and then everyone got into several lines where the officers began processing everyone, calling cabs, collecting bail, and sending everyone home. Shawna had gone to her office to finish some paperwork and about two hours later, there was a knock on her door.

"Come in." She looked up and Jason came in with the processed papers and everyone's bail money.

"Here you go captain. $10,000 in bail money and a processed report on all 100 people that were arrested tonight. We just have one problem." He said hesitantly.

"What kind of problem?"

"We have just one person who says that he has nowhere to go tonight."

"And who would that be Jason?"

"This young man." He replied as he opened her office door and she saw a boy standing there. She looked at him for a minute.

"Billy Bradshaw, is that you?" She asked as she got up and walked around her desk.

"Yes, Mrs. Gage, it's me."

"Come on in Billy. It's OK Jason, I'll see that he gets home."

"Yes ma'am." Jason turned and left Shawna's office as she motioned for Billy to have a seat.

"So what's going on Billy?"

"Nothing really. I just don't have any place to stay until the campus opens back up after the first of the year."

"What about your parents place?"

"Dad and I got into an argument and he threw me out. Told me that I was never welcome there again."

"What about your mom? What did she say when he threw you out?"

"Mom wasn't home and there was no way that I could tell her. Look, Mrs. Gage, I didn't mean to get into a fight at the club. I was minding my own business when everything happened. Just ask the bartender."

"It's OK Billy, I believe you. Have you been drinking tonight?"

"No ma'am. I don't touch the stuff. I've had nothing but plain cola."

"OK, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll take you back to the bar to pick up your car and then you can follow me back to my place. I've got a couch that you're welcome to crash on until classes start back."

"I can't do that, Mrs. Gage." He objected.

"And just why not? If you think that I'm going to let you stay in your car or in a shelter then you're crazy."

"But I can't intrude on you and your family. It's Christmas and I'm sure that they don't want someone else around for the holidays."

"Nonsense. Besides, I have other people coming over for Christmas dinner and one more person isn't a bother. Now, let's go get your car and go home." She told him as she grabbed her jacket and keys. "Jason, are you guys still coming over for Christmas dinner?"

"Yes ma'am. That's all dad has talked about this week."

"Good. Tell your parents to be there about 1 pm."

"I will. Have a good night captain." Shawna and Billy left and went back to Denim & Diamonds to pick up his car. When they arrived, the owner was walking out.

"Hello Shawna."

"Hello Jack. I can't believe that you had trouble here tonight."

"I can't believe that they called you to the station. Hey kid, you got a place to stay tonight?" He asked as he looked at Billy.

"Yes sir. I'm going to stay with Mrs. Gage and her family."

"That's good. I was worried after I posted your bail where you'd go. You two have a Merry Christmas"

"You too Jack." Shawna and Billy left the bar and arrived back at her place around 1:30 a.m. They walked in and Katie was in the kitchen getting a glass of milk. "Hi sweetheart."

"Hi mom. Hello." She said to Billy.

"Katie this is Billy. Billy this is my daughter Katie."

"It's nice to meet you." Billy replied as he held out his hand.

"It's nice to meet you too." Katie replied as she shook his hand.

"Billy, I'm going to get a quilt and pillow from the closet, you can sleep on the couch. The bathroom is right down the hall." Shawna led the way and Billy followed her. Once she came back into the kitchen, she was cornered by Katie.

"Mom, are you crazy bringing a stranger in here?"

"Katherine Elizabeth don't you dare talk to me like that."

"Well mom he is a stranger."

"Billy is not a stranger. Your dad and I have known his parents for over 20 years and I've known Billy ever since he was a baby. Now I want you to be nice." Billy came walking back into the kitchen.

"Mrs. Gage thanks for the offer to stay but I really don't think that I'm going to stay where I'm not welcome." He told her and then looked at Katie.

"That's nonsense. You're going to stay here until the dorms open back up after the first of the year. You can sleep on the couch and still work at the pizza parlor. Now let's all go to bed. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow preparing the food for our Christmas dinner. She kissed Billy on the cheek and then kissed Katie on the cheek. "Good night you two."

"Good night." They both replied. Shawna turned the lights out and went upstairs to her bedroom. She eased inside the room and went to the bathroom to change. When she came back out, Johnny rolled over.

"What happened at the station?"

"Nothing much. I'll tell you later. Now go back to sleep." She climbed into bed, kissed him on the lips, and cuddled with him. It wasn't long until she heard him softly snoring. The next morning Shawna was downstairs making breakfast with Billy sitting at the counter when Johnny came down.

"Hello Billy. What brings you here?"

"Hello Mr. Gage. I was at Denim & Diamonds last night and they had a fight. Everyone was arrested and Mrs. Gage said that I could crash on your couch for a few days."

"Billy how many times have I told you that it's Johnny and Shawna and not Mr. and Mrs. Gage?" Johnny asked with a serious look and then he smiled.

"I know. That's what Mrs. Gage said, but I was taught to call my elders Mr. and Mrs. I told Mrs. Gage last night that I didn't feel right staying here and she told me that was nonsense that you had plenty of room."

"And she is right. As long as we have a couch, then we have room." Everyone started filtering into the kitchen for breakfast, introductions were made and then a lot of food was eaten. Shawna took Johnny aside and had a quick talk with him.

"Listen, I think that Billy is about Brandon's size, why don't you and Brandon pick him up a couple of pairs of jeans, some t-shirts, and maybe some nice button-up shirts. This way he doesn't feel left out tomorrow."

"I was thinking the same thing." Johnny replied as he kissed her hard on the mouth.

"You never cease to amaze me Johnny."

"I could say the same thing about you. Are you sure that I can't stay here with you and let the other's go shopping?" He asked with that boyish grin again.

"I'm sure Johnny. You promised the boys that you would go with them. Besides, why don't you all ask Billy if he wants to go."

"Hey Billy."

"Yes, Mr. Gage."

"How would you like to go to the mall with all of us?"

"Thanks but I'd really like to stay here."

"Are you sure Billy? The kids are going to see one of the movies and this way it gets everyone out of my house so I can fix the meal."

"Are you sure that you don't need help?"

"I'm sure. Look, you go with them, stay out of trouble and have fun." Johnny and the others all left to go to the movies leaving Shawna there to start the preparations for the Christmas meal. She had everything chopped, mixed and ready when everyone got home.

The Christmas holidays were a blur for Shawna. She loved all of the chaos and never complained about all of the cooking that she was doing. New Year's came and went and then all of her family had gone back home on January 3, 2005. They hosted their annual Super Bowl party with all of their friends and watched the New England Patriots beat the Philadelphia Eagles. Valentine's Day was there two weeks later and Johnny had made plans to take Shawna back to the Italian restaurant where he had proposed to her 25 years ago. They had a romantic dinner at Little Sicily in Los Angeles. They were on their way home when they heard the trouble on the police radio in Shawna's truck.

"Attention, all units in the vicinity of Hollywood Park Race Track. We have a report of shots fired. Units in the area respond."

"Johnny, we're just three miles from there. I need to roll since I'm the Captain."

"OK." He replied, hit the red light on the dash and began speeding toward the race track.

"Dispatch, this is Capt. Gage, I'm three miles from the track and I'm responding Code 3 (lights and sirens)."

"10-4 Capt. Gage. Be advised that we do not know how many perps are on the property."

"10-4 dispatch. Advise all units that I'm arriving undercover at the scene."

"10-4." Shawna pulled her 9mm Glock from the glove compartment and checked the clip as Johnny sped toward the race track. She then pulled her badge from her purse and clipped it to her belt.

"Johnny, when we get to the track, I want you to stay in the truck. You heard the dispatcher, we don't know how many people are at the track or what exactly is going on."

"Don't worry about me. I just want you to be careful." He told her as he pulled up behind a squad car.

"I will." She promised as she kissed him and then got out of the truck.

"What's going on Kelly?"

"We received a call about shots being fired here. Dispatch said that a security guard called in that there are some people on the grounds that shouldn't be here."

"OK. You and Jenkins come with me. Henderson and Miller take the left side. Ryans and Adams take the left. I want everyone to keep in radio contact and no heroics."

"Yes ma'am." They all replied. Johnny watched as the officers scattered and went looking for the offenders. He could hear a shot ring out every now and again. Shawna, Jason Kelly, and Tommy Jenkins were the lucky ones to find four guys spooking the horses at the track.

"Freeze, police." Shawna called out to the guys. A few shots were fired their way and they returned fire. "This is the police. We have the place surrounded. Throw down your weapons and come out with your hands up." She told them as she noticed the other four officers moving into position.

"No way cop." One of the guys replied and then began firing again.

"All officers return fire." She ordered through the walkie talkie. Five officers began to return fire on the four perps.

"OK, we surrender." Someone shouted.

"Hold your fire." She ordered. "Throw down your weapons and come out with your hands up." The four men stood up. Shawna, Jason, and Tommy started walking toward them. She saw one of the men move and before she could get off a shot, she was hit with a bullet from a .357 Magnum. "Son of a …" She replied as she went down and Jason shot the guy.

"Officer down. I repeat we have an officer down at the Hollywood Park Race Track. Requesting paramedics and an ambulance at the scene near the stables." Jason called over the walkie talkie. Johnny heard the call go out and raced off in the truck toward Shawna. When he pulled in, he grabbed the medical bag from the back seat and raced over to the officers.

"Who has been…" He stopped in mid sentence when he saw Jason leaning over Shawna. "What happened?" He asked as he leaned down over Shawna and saw Jason applying pressure to her chest.

"We were going to take them. They had thrown down there weapons, at least we thought they had, and one of them pulled a .357 and shot her. That's when we all opened fire on him." Johnny looked over and saw the body of one of the men laying there motionless.

"Hang on Shawna. Help is on the way." Johnny told her as he started taking her vitals. "Jason, keep applying pressure to her chest."

"Johnny. It..hurts." She gasped as Jason kept pressure on her chest.

"I know it does sweetheart. You just hang in there. We'll get you to the hospital soon." He heard the sounds of the squad and the ambulance arriving.

"So…c-c-cold."

"She's going into shock." Jason replied as one of the paramedics raced up to them.

"Vitals are BP is 90/60. Pulse is weak and respirations are 10." Johnny told one of the paramedics from Station 19.

"We've got her Johnny." One of the paramedics replied as he hooked her up to the portable EKG monitor and then called Rampart.

"I'm going with her." He told them as they began to load her in the ambulance.

"J-J-Johnny?"

"I'm right here." He told her as he squeezed her hand.

"I'm s-s-sorry." She told him as a tear escaped from her eye.

"You have nothing to be sorry about." He told her as they loaded her in the ambulance and raced off toward Rampart.


	3. Chapter 3

"Shawna, you need to fight. I can't lose you." He told her as his voice cracked with emotion. "I can't believe those guys."

"N-not their f-f-fault."

"They were supposed to back you up."

"N-not their f-f-fault." She replied as she squeezed his hand. "I'm t-the c-captain. B-blame me." She took a deep breath. "N-not t-them. Remember, I-I'm an o-organ d-donor."

"Don't you talk like that. You're going to make it."

"Rampart this is Squad 19. We are coming in with a GSW (Gun Shot Wound) to the chest. Vitals are BP 90/60, pulse is weak, and respirations are 10. She has a GSW to the chest from a .357 Magnum. She is conscious and going into shock."

"10-4 Squad 19. Start and IV with D5W and Ringers Lactate." Dr. Jack Stevens responded.

"Rampart, be advised that the patient is Captain Shawna Gage."

"10-4. We'll have an OR set up." He called for Dr. Alex Morgan to assist him. He knew Shawna from his medical training and he was going to do his best to save her. Meanwhile, Johnny was still holding her hand.

"J-Johnny."

"Yes sweetheart."

"I l-love you. Tell the k-kids that I l-love t-them t-too. S-sooo c-cold." She squeezed his hand.

"I love you too. You just hang in there. You hear me? We're almost at Rampart and they are going to fix you up." He told her and she saw a tear roll down his cheek.

"N-not this t-time. L-lost t-too m-much b-blood. G-going into s-shock. D-d-don't c-cry." She told him as she saw a tear roll down his cheek. The ambulance arrived at Rampart and Johnny walked as far as he could with her. He kissed her on the lips before they took her to surgery and whispered 'I'll always love you'.

"I'll love you too. R-remember to d-donate my o-organs." She told him in front of the doctors. He let go of her hand and the paramedics from 19 offered to stay with him.

"Johnny, is there someone that we can call for you?" Paramedic Chase Jones asked.

"No thanks. I've got to call the kids and Roy." Johnny pulled out his cell phone and called Brad.

"Hello."

"Brad, it's dad."

"Hi dad. Is something wrong?"

"Brad, your mom has been shot. It's bad."

"I'll be on the next flight out. We'll call the others and let them know."

"OK. Tell everyone to be careful. Especially Katie."

"I will. Who's with you right now?"

"The paramedics that arrived at the scene. I'm going to call Roy as soon as I hang up with you."

"OK, we'll get there as soon as we can."

"Bye son."

"Bye dad." Brad hung up the phone and said a small prayer. "Dear Lord, Please let mom be OK. I don't know what we'll do if she dies. Please don't take her right now. Amen." He called the airport for a flight out and then started calling his brothers and sisters. He talked to Katie's husband, Cody who broke the news to Katie, and then they left San Francisco for the seven hour drive. Meanwhile, back at the hospital, Jason and the other officers had arrived, so had some of the officers from the highway patrol, where Shawna had worked for a while before she and Johnny got married. Johnny pulled out his cell phone and called Roy.

"Hello, DeSoto residence."

"Roy, it's Johnny."

"What's wrong?" Roy asked when he heard the tone in Johnny's voice.

"It's Shawna. She's been shot."

"Are you at Rampart?"

"Yes."

"Joanne and I are on the way."

"OK." Johnny hung up the phone and saw Jason with the others but he just couldn't look at him. Twenty minutes passed and more people arrived. Roy and Joanne, Chet and his wife Susan, Mike and Sharon Stoker, Marco and Angela Lopez, and from the highway patrol - Lt. Jon Baker and his wife Shannon, Sgt. Frank Poncherello and his wife Casey, and Capt. Joe Getraer and his wife Betty. Kelly and Dixie Brackett were visiting a friend when they saw Jason and he told them what happened. While they were talking, Lt. Jim Reed and Lt. Pete Malloy walked into the ER.

"You were supposed to be her back-up." Johnny told Jason as he walked over and slammed him against the wall.

"Whoa Johnny. Take it easy." Roy and Chet both grabbed him.

"You were supposed to be watching her back. What the hell happened Jason?"

"She told the men to throw down their weapons that they were surrounded. We had four guys covered and four weapons were thrown out."

"Then how in the hell did she get shot!" He yelled at the young officer.

"Come on Johnny back off." Jim told his friend.

"We were going to handcuff them when the one guy suddenly pulled a gun and fired. I fired right after she was hit and then everyone else returned fire. Johnny we all thought that they were unarmed." He looked at Johnny and saw the anger in his eyes. He'd always been able to talk to Shawna and Johnny when he couldn't talk to his parents and tonight all of that changed. "I'm sorry Johnny."

"I don't want to hear I'm sorry. She wasn't even on duty. She wasn't wearing a vest so someone should've made her wait."

"I'm sorry Johnny. I really am. If I could I would switch places with her in a heartbeat." Jason remarked, then turned and walked away with his mother, Susan, and Joanne right behind him.

"Johnny, you can't blame them." Joe Getraer told him after Jason left the room.

"Then who am I supposed to blame? I already blame myself because I drove her to the track. I could've said no, then she would be here with me, and we would be at home, having a fight but she would be with me. I can't blame her because she is lying on an operating table fighting for her life. Forgive me if I sound selfish that I just want my wife here with me."

"You listen to me," Joe replied, "I've known that woman for over 25 years and I guarantee you that the first words out of her mouth would be that she was the captain. Shawna never asked anyone to take a risk that she wouldn't take herself. She's hard headed and everyone in this room knows it. But everyone here is saying a silent prayer that she pulls through this."

"I can't lose her, Roy." He told his best friend as he leaned against the wall. "I just can't lose her."

"You listen to me. Shawna is tough and if anyone can pull through this, she will."

"Roy's right." Chet replied. "How many times have we responded to a call where she's been hurt and she would bounce right back and surprise all of us." Jason, Susan, and Joanne came back into to lounge to wait with the others.

"You guys didn't see her. She told me that she wasn't going to make it this time. She had lost so much blood. Oh, God please don't take her from me and those grandkids. Please." Time passed slowly for Johnny and the others. They had arrived at the hospital almost two hours ago and everyone was pacing and sitting with Johnny in the waiting room. Suddenly the door opened and in walked Dr. Stevens.

"How is she doc?" Johnny asked as he jumped to his feet.

"I'm sorry Johnny but she didn't make it."

"What do you mean she didn't make it?" He asked as he grabbed the doctor's shirt.

"Johnny, she had lost too much blood by the time she arrived here. We did everything that we could. I'm sorry but we couldn't save her." You could hear the sound of sniffling as everyone wiped tears from their eyes.

"Have you started taking her organs?" He asked.

"No. We still have a few minutes. We are keeping her alive with a ventilator until you can say good-bye. Johnny, I'm really sorry."

"Johnny, do you want someone to go with you?" Roy asked as he gently squeezed his shoulder.

"No. I'd just like a few minutes alone with her."

"OK." Johnny turned, looked at everyone in the room, held Jason's gaze for a second or two, and then he and Jack walked out of the room leaving everyone in shock. They had all seen Shawna get hurt before and pull through. Now, their best friend and one of Los Angeles' most respected police officers was dead.

"I've got to get out of here." Jason told the crowd and then started for the door.

"Jason, this isn't your fault." Joe Getraer told the young officer. "And it isn't the others either. It was an accident."

"I'm sorry Capt. Getraer, but this is my fault. I should've noticed what the guy was doing. Johnny blames me and so will the rest of his family. Right now I can't say that I blame him." He pulled open the door and walked out with Chet and Susan right behind him.

"Someone has to make him understand that this isn't his fault." Dixie replied.

"The only person that can do that is Johnny." Kelly Brackett replied.

"And right now he blames Jason." Roy replied.

"And himself." Jon Baker replied.

"Why himself?" Angela Lopez asked since she had been out of the room calling the babysitter to check on her grandkids and missed the conversation.

"Because he was at the scene and couldn't do anything." Pete Malloy answered.

"I'm going to go up and see how he is." Roy told the group of people.

"I'll go with you." Marco responded.

"Me too." Mike said. The three men headed upstairs to give their friend the support that he would need.

"Listen, I think that the best thing for the rest of us to do is call the kids and find out when they are going to be landing and pick them up at the airport." Kel told the others.

"I'll start making some calls." Joanne responded.

"Me too." Dixie offered. Both ladies started calling the kids to let them know that Shawna had passed away and that someone would be at the airport to pick them up when they arrived. Meanwhile, Johnny was standing outside the OR door and he was having trouble going inside.

"Johnny, do you want me to go in with you?" Roy asked as he silently walked up.

"I know that I need to say good-bye but how can I? She was never supposed to die. We were supposed to grow old together, watch the grandkids grow up and have kids. And now?"

"Now, you'll watch the grandkids grow up and help keep her memory alive with them. You'll make sure that the younger ones always remember how much she loved them. You need to go in and say good-bye to her."

"So they can come in and cut her up?"

"Johnny, you know that's not fair. You and Shawna are both organ donors and you know that she wouldn't want you to wait much longer. We all know that they can't keep her on the ventilator much longer and still use her organs."

"I know. You're right, I need to go ahead and let her go. Giving her organs will give others a chance at life." Johnny opened the door, walked over to the operating table, and sat on the stool beside his beautiful wife.

"Please give him the strength for this, Lord." Roy whispered after Johnny went into the operating room.

"Oh Shawna. I should've never listened to you tonight. I should've drove on home and then you would still be with me. We'd be fighting but you'd still be with me." He spoke softly as he held her left hand in his, rubbing her wedding ring, and stroking her long salt and pepper colored hair. "We were supposed to grow old together, watch the grandkids grow up and have kids of their own. How can I go on alone?" He asked as tears gently rolled down his cheeks.

"It's OK Johnny." He looked up and saw Shawna standing there in front of him. She looked so radiant, as if nothing had happened. Then he realized it was her spirit.

"Shawna?" He asked as he blinked and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Yes, it's me Johnny. I know that this is hard for you but you have to let me go." She told him as she looked deep into his big brown eyes.

"I can't. I keep thinking that if I stay with you, you'll wake up." He told her as he kept rubbing the wedding ring on her hand.

"Sweetheart, you have to let me go. They are waiting for my heart at UCLA. My body might not be with you, but my heart will continue to beat. And my other organs are going to help other people." She told him with a smile.

"How do you know where your heart is going?"

"I'm a spirit now. I know things. Johnny, my heart is going to a teacher. My kidneys to two different teenagers in New York and Florida. My liver is going to a firefighter in Colorado. I might not be here with you and the others physically, but I will still live on in others." She told him as she walked around the table and gently touched his cheek. He swore that he could feel her hand touching him.

"I'll always be with you and the others. In here." She told him as she pointed to his heart. "You and the others will help the younger kids remember me. Let them know how much I loved them and that Gramma will always be with them. Now, please let me go." She slowly disappeared as Roy walked into the room.

"Johnny are you OK?"

"Tell the doctor that they can come in now." He stood, gently kissed Shawna on the lips, slipped her rings off of her hand, took her St. Jude Medal off of her neck, whispered 'I Love You', and left. Roy was standing at the door watching the torment that his best friend was going through.

"Help him, Roy."

"What?"

"What?" Johnny asked.

"You know that I'll help you."

"I didn't say anything."

"I'd swear that someone said…"

"It was Shawna." Johnny replied as they walked out of the room and he saw Mike and Marco waiting.

"What was Shawna?" Marco asked.

"Shawna spoke to Roy."

"What?" They both asked.

"Her spirit. She spoke to Roy. She spoke to me too. Told me that I had to let her go that they needed her heart at UCLA."

"What did you just say?" Dr. Stevens asked as he walked by.

"I said that Shawna told me that her heart was going to UCLA." Jack turned pale as if he'd just seen a ghost.

"No one is supposed…"

"It's OK, doc. I'm not going to look for anyone. Shawna told me that her organs were going to UCLA, Florida, New York and Colorado. I was supposed to go first, not her." He told his friends as he leaned against the wall and let the tears flow. Meanwhile, downstairs, everyone else had dispersed and gone to the airport to pick up the kids as their flights arrived. Roy, Mike, and Marco took Johnny back to his place and were met by their wives along with Kelly and Dixie Brackett. "I just need to be alone right now." Johnny told everyone and went upstairs. It was almost 3 a.m. when Jon and Shannon Baker arrived with Brad, Steve and Rick.

"Where's dad?" Brad asked as they walked into the house.

"He's upstairs. He said that he needed to be alone." Roy told the boys. "We're so sorry about your mom."

"What the hell happened tonight?" Rick asked as he walked into the living room.

"All we know is that they had just left a restaurant, she heard a call go out about shots being fired at the race track, and she responded." Brackett answered for the others.

"What about back-up? Didn't she have back-up?" Steve asked.

"Of course she had back-up. They all thought that the guys had thrown down their weapons and one of them pulled a gun and fired. Your dad did everything that he could out in the field. He blames himself for taking her to the scene." Brackett replied. Meanwhile, Johnny was upstairs in their bedroom sitting by the window and holding Shawna's rings in his hand.

"You need to rest." He jumped when he heard the female voice and then he saw her smiling face.

"I'm not tired Shawna."

"I know better. You always tell me that when you are sitting in the window seat. You need to get some rest because all of the kids will be here in a few hours. Three of the boys are downstairs now."

"I guess that I need to…"

"Go to sleep." She ordered.

"I'm not tired." He argued.

"Johnny, I know what's going on. You're blaming yourself because you drove to the race track, you're blaming the officers that were with me, especially Jason, and deep down inside, whether you want to admit it or not, you're blaming me for answering the call." She looked at him for a moment to let her words sink in. "Tell me I'm wrong, Johnny. Tell me that everything I just said isn't the truth and I'll leave right now. You tell me that John Roderick Gage."

"OK, you're right. But I don't blame you." He replied as the tears rolled down his cheeks again. "We both knew going into this marriage that something could happen any day, but I wasn't expecting this."

"I know. I wasn't expecting this either. But Johnny you can't blame the other officers. They did nothing wrong."

"They…"

"Did everything by the book. I wasn't wearing a vest. I should've waited but I didn't. Johnny, I lived a rich, wonderful life. I helped to raise eight wonderful kids, watched almost all of my grandkids come into this world. Been to places that a lot of people only dream about, and taken you and the kids with me at different times."

"Like Paris and Australia."

"Yes. I flew F-16's, bungee jumped, got everyone interested in skydiving, and married a remarkable man, who didn't care that I was a cop."

"I always loved that fact that you made time for us and then when we got married, you made time for the kids."

"Johnny, those guys are young. They still have a lot of living to do and Jason needs to know that you don't blame him. This is hurting him worse than the other officers because he is close to this family. Please think about what I'm saying. Now, close your eyes and get some rest." She told him as he stretched out on his side of the bed and closed his eyes. "I'll be here with you for a while."

"Promise?"

"I promise. Right now you are the only one who can hear me unless I want someone else to hear me. Now get some sleep." He put his arm over his eyes and then she heard him snore softly. Once she was satisfied that he was asleep, she went downstairs to listen in on the others.

"I want to know who her back-up was." Rick demanded.

"Rick, we don't know who was there with your mother." Kelly said loud enough that he hoped he didn't wake up Johnny.

"What good would that do us?" They heard a female voice and turned to see Kelsey, Morgan, and Michelle walk in followed by Jon, Shannon, Ponch, and Casey.

"Kelsey, Morgan, Michelle. How are you three doing?" Rick asked as he gave his sisters a hug.

"You didn't answer me, Rick. What good would that do us knowing who was backing up mom?" Kelsey asked as she wiped her eyes.

"Because I want to see who failed to protect our mother last night. I want to look those officers in the eye and tell them that they screwed up last night."

"Oh sweetheart no." Shawna whispered to herself.


	4. Chapter 4

Katie, her husband Cody, and Allen had arrived at the ranch around 7 a.m. and every one was concerned about Katie since she was due any day now. Johnny was upstairs taking a shower when he heard the doorbell and he knew that someone would answer the door.

"How's daddy?" Katie asked after she walked into the living room. Everyone had noticed that she had probably cried all night on the drive to Los Angeles .

"He's fine. How are you?" Roy asked as he walked over to her and led her to the sofa.

"I'm fine." She told him as he began to check her vitals. "What are you doing, Roy ?"

"I'm checking your vitals. You're due any time now and you're under a lot of stress."

" Roy , I'm fine. I want to see daddy."

"I'm right here sweetheart." Johnny told her as he walked downstairs.

"Daddy." She said tearfully as she got up and crossed the room. "How are you doing?"

"I'm holding up. More importantly, how are you and the baby?"

"We're fine."

"Her pulse is a little rapid and her blood pressure is elevated a little." Roy replied.

"Now you listen to me young lady, I want you to take it easy and relax. You're due any day now and I don't want you to go into labor too early. I know that you are upset, but you need to focus on this baby. He needs you right now. There is nothing that we can do to bring your mom back." Johnny told his oldest daughter as he led her toward the downstairs bedroom. "Now, I want you to go in there and rest."

"But daddy…" She started to protest.

"Don't daddy me. Now go on. I want you to rest for a couple of hours. I've got to go to the funeral home and take an outfit for Shawna. When I come back, then we will talk."

"OK." She reluctantly replied and he kissed her on the forehead. He watched her and Cody walk to the guest room and close the door.

"Johnny, would you like for Joanne and me to take the outfit to the funeral home?" Dixie offered as he walked into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee.

"Thanks, but I'll take them. I think I picked her out a nice outfit, a light pink blouse and black dress pants."

"What about her St. Jude Medal? Was she wearing it?" Rick asked as Johnny leaned against the counter.

"Yes she was. She wore it every day."

"Dad, I would like to know who was with mom last night at the track." Allen replied as he poured a cup of coffee, grabbed a muffin, and took a seat at the table with his other brothers and sisters. Everyone was there except for Katie who was resting.

"Why?"

"Because I want to look them in the eye and tell them that they SCREWED UP!" He replied rather harshly.

"Watch your tone with me son." Johnny replied as he set his coffee cup on the counter.

"I'm sorry dad but I want to see the men who were supposed to be her back-up."

"Oh, Allen. That's not the way to be." Shawna whispered to herself as she watched her kids.

"Now, I want you all to listen to me and listen carefully. I know that everyone of you is mad at the officers who were with your mother last night and so was I."

"Meaning you're not any more?" Brad asked. Roy , Joanne, Dixie , and Kel were standing at the counter listening.

"That's exactly right."

"How can you say that? How can you stand there and tell us that you are not mad at the officers who were with mom last night when she was shot?" Brad asked raising his voice a little bit.

"I've told you boys to watch that tone with me. I was mad last night. I was really angry at the hospital with them being there and knowing that my wife was fighting for her life. Then I had a dream about your mother."

"Let me guess, she told you to forgive the officers." Allen replied sarcastically.

"That's right she did. She told me that they backed her up but she wasn't wearing a bulletproof vest and she should've waited. She also told me that she had led a full life and that her only regret was that she was leaving me and all of you kids."

"Come on dad. Do you really expect us to believe that mom spoke to you in a dream? She is DEAD. And all because of those officers who you all are protecting." Allen shouted and then walked out of the kitchen slamming the back door. Johnny started to go after him when Kel stopped him.

"Let him go. He needs some time to himself."

"I hate to see him hurting like this. I hate to see all of them hurting but Doc I swear that she told me to forgive those officers that they were doing there job last night."

"I believe you Johnny. But right now I think that I'd let the kids have some space. They are hurt and confused." He told his friend as he squeezed his shoulder.

"Excuse me Doc. I just got off the phone with Chet and he was wondering if we could come by his place." Roy interrupted his two friends.

"Sure thing."

"I'd like to come along with you guys. I need to talk to Jason anyway." Johnny replied when he noticed that all of the kids had disappeared from the kitchen.

"Johnny are you sure about that?" Roy asked.

"Yes, I'm sure. Then once I talk to Jason, I can stop at the funeral home and drop the clothes off for Shawna." He replied as he looked at both Kelly and Roy. "Come on guys, I need to talk to him. I need to apologize to him for last night."

"I don't think it will hurt anything." Kelly replied.

"OK. Let's go." Roy and Kelly each kissed their wives and told them that they would see them later.

"OK. We're going to go home for a while, shower and change clothes." Joanne replied.

"Be careful." Roy told them.

"We will." Twenty minutes later, Roy, Kelly, and Johnny pulled into Chet's driveway. They began to panic when they saw a police cruiser sitting there and raced to the door. Johnny rang the doorbell since he got there first. Chet answered and was shocked to see Johnny standing there.

"What are you doing here? Didn't you cause enough trouble last night?" Chet asked furiously. "I'm sorry Johnny I didn't mean to be so cruel but I don't think that you should be here."

"What's happened and why is there a police cruiser in the driveway?" Johnny asked and he just shrugged the comment Chet made off.

"Capt. Stevens is here. Jason came home last night, locked himself in his room, and refuses to come out. He won't talk to us, and just says that he knows you blame him for Shawna's death. We've tried everything short of kicking the door in, he still has his service weapon with him and that's what scares me. Neal has been trying to get him to open the door for the last half hour with no luck."

"Chet let me try." Johnny suggested.

"Johnny I don't think…"

"Chet let him try." Kelly replied as he cut him off. Chet stepped back and let his friends come inside. They walked down the hallway and saw Susan and Neal talking to Jason through the door.

"Jason please open the door." Neal pleaded with his officer.

"No. I wish that everyone would just go away. I've already hurt enough people and I don't want anyone else around me right now."

"Jason, its Johnny. Please open the door."

"Johnny go away."

"Jason, I'm not going away so you might as well open the door before I kick it in." He replied and noticed the look on Chet's face. Chet just looked at him and Johnny motioned that he wasn't going to kick the door in. They all waited for a minute. "Jason, come on open the door." Suddenly they heard the lock click and the door opened slightly. Everyone stayed back and let Johnny go inside.

"What do you want Johnny?" Jason asked when Johnny came into the room. Johnny leaned against the door and looked at how sad Jason looked. His eyes were all red and swollen from crying so much, Johnny felt really bad for the way he had treated the young man whom he had considered part of the family every since he was born. "What do you want Johnny?" Jason asked again and startled Johnny.

"I wanted to say that I'm sorry for what I said last night. I was hurt, angry, and you were right there. I'm sorry that I slammed you against the wall and accused you of getting Shawna killed." Johnny replied as his voice started to break up.

"Johnny, if I could've protected her I would've. I'd have taken a bullet for her in a heartbeat and never thought twice about it. We all thought that they were unarmed and when we started towards them, that's when he pulled a gun." Jason replied as the tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Oh, Jason." Shawna whispered. Suddenly there was a knock on his door.

"Yes." Jason replied. Chet opened the door and poked his head inside.

"Guys, the afternoon news is about to run a special report about Shawna. I thought that you two would want to see it."

"OK. We're coming." Johnny replied. They all walked into the living room just as the news was coming back on.

"And on a sad note today, we learned this morning that Los Angeles Police Captain Shawna Gage died last night in a shoot out at the Hollywood Park Race Track. Captain Gage was off duty when she responded to a call of shots fired at the race track. She was assisting other officers when she was shot. Shawna Williams Gage was well known and respected by most of Los Angeles and Los Angeles County .

Shawna leaves behind a loving husband, Chief John Gage of the Los Angeles County Fire Department, eight children and their spouses, and a host of grandchildren. One thing that was always said about Shawna was that she never met a stranger. If she saw you on the streets, you always received a warm smile and a friendly handshake. Shawna always told the press that if you are at any scene, you respect the authorities and more importantly you respect the victims." Anchorman Lee Ryans told the citizens.

"He's right." Neal replied.

"I've gone through years of photos and videos and I've compiled a video scrapbooks of sorts of some of the memorable moments that we've had with Shawna." The photos started rolling across and they all started remembering some of the photos. Meanwhile, at the house the kids were watching the same newscast. They saw pictures of Shawna at the scenes of accidents, fires, they showed the photo of the fire at the orphanage where she met Johnny. They had photos of her with every President of the United States beginning with President John F. Kennedy in 1963, when she was 20, all the way to the current President George W. Bush in 2004.

They also had photos of Shawna with Prince Charles, the late Princess Diana and their boys. She was also photographed with the Queen of England, major rock stars and a host of Hollywood actors and actresses.

"Shawna made an impact on Los Angeles and we were even told by some of the prisoners that she helped to put away that she would always visit San Quentin and talk to them. They all said the same thing, that she was doing her job when she arrested them. We are asking that everyone give the family privacy in this time of sorrow, and in lieu of flowers, please make a donation to any of the four charities that Shawna and her husband supported. The charities are: the State Street Mission, any animal shelter in Los Angeles County, any of the four county orphanages, and the Policeman's Widow's and Orphan's Fund. Also out of respect for the family, the press will not be around the funeral home or the burial site. To the family of Shawna Gage, our sympathies go out to you." Lee ended the news broadcast with a moment of silence. Johnny and the others all had tears in their eyes once the broadcast ended.

"That was so sweet of him to do something like that." Susan replied as she wiped the tears away.

"Yes, that was really nice of him." Johnny replied as he wiped away tears too.

"So Jason, are you going to be OK?" Kelly Brackett asked the young man as they began to move around the room.

"Yeah Dr. Brackett, I'm going to be fine. I think that I'm to go take a nap."

"Jason, I'd like for you to turn in your weapon until you return back to work next week." Neal told the young man.

"OK, captain." Jason told his boss and then went to get his weapon. He walked back into the living room with the clip out of the weapon and had it pointed downward when he handed it to Neal.

"Thanks Jason. Guys, I'm going to head on back to the station and get some of the reports finished. Johnny, if you need anything at all just call me."

"Thanks Neal. I'll get with you tomorrow and discuss an escort from the funeral home out to the ranch."

"Sure thing. Take your time. I have plenty of officers who would be honored to escort Shawna home." Neal told Johnny as he was walking out of the house.

"Chet and Susan, I'm sorry about all of the hurt that I caused you guys because of my actions last night."

"It's OK Johnny. We understand what you're going through. We're going to miss Shawna too." Susan told him as she walked over and gave him a hug. He held onto her for a minute or two and then let go.

"Thanks. I'll see you Monday evening at the funeral."

Johnny, Roy and Kelly all left the house and headed toward the funeral home. Johnny went in and handed the funeral director Shawna's clothes.

"Mr. Gage I'm so sorry for your loss. Shawna was a remarkable lady. I assume that you're going to want to do the services Monday evening."

"Yes, that will be fine." Johnny said in a stunned tone as if he couldn't really believe that he was here planning his wife's funeral.

"And what kind of music would you like for us to play at the funeral service?"

"I know that Shawna loved Amazing Grace, I'll Fly Away, and I'm Gonna Take That Mountain by Reba McEntire."

"Those are all excellent songs. I'll make sure that everything is taken care of Mr. Gage." He replied as he shook Johnny's hand and then left the room with the garment bag. Johnny walked out of the funeral home and back to the vehicle.

"Are you OK?" Roy asked as he noticed how quiet Johnny was being.

"I just can't believe that I'm planning my wife's funeral. This can't be happening."

"Come on, we'll take you home." They took Johnny home and when they arrived some of his grandkids came running out of the house.

"Grandpa." They all came running up to him and gave him a hug. Some of his in-laws came out too.

"How are you doing dad?" Shelley, Brad's wife, asked her father-in-law.

"I'm doing OK. How are you and all the others doing?"

"We're hanging in there. Roy , are you and Kelly coming in?" She asked the two men.

"No thanks. We're going to be going and let you all have some time alone. Johnny we'll see you Monday evening at the funeral home."

"OK. Thanks guys." The two men drove off and Johnny went inside with the grandkids. All of the grandkids were sitting around and not doing anything. "Hey kids, you know that you can go outside and play. Gramma wouldn't want you to just sit here and neither do I. So come on, let's go outside." They all jumped up and went outside. Johnny went back outside with the grandkids and sat on the railing watching them play in the yard. Soon he was joined by Shelley when she brought him a glass of tea.

"Here you go dad."

"Thanks. How are you and the others doing?"

"We're OK. It's hard for the kids to understand that Shawna isn't here anymore."

"I bet it is, especially the younger ones."

"Bobby and Alexis really don't understand that Gramma is in Heaven."

"They are the ones who I really feel sorry for. They didn't get to really know her better."

"But I bet that they know she loved them."

"That they do. Bobby asked if Gramma was watching them from Heaven and I told him yes she was. He said that he'd better be good or Gramma would start to cry."

"He should know that Shawna wouldn't cry if he were mean. Boys will be boys, is what she would say." They sat there and watched the kids play and then everyone went in for dinner. Sunday came and the ranch was a very busy with people coming and going. Police officers, highway patrol officers, fire department personnel, and just people in general came by to offer their condolences to the family. Monday evening arrived and Johnny dreaded going to the funeral home but Roy came by and offered to drive him. They arrived at the funeral home an hour before everyone else and Johnny was standing next to the casket just looking at Shawna.

"She looks like she's asleep. Most of the funerals I've been to the people look like they have on way too much make-up."

"She looks peaceful."

"Oh God Shawna, why you? Why you? My beautiful Shawna." He broke down and started crying and then he heard a female voice calling his name.

"Johnny! Johnny! Johnny you need to wake up." Johnny woke up in a cold sweat. "Johnny are you OK? You were having a bad dream." He looked at the woman talking to him and then he jumped out of bed.

"You're not here. You can't be here." He kept telling Shawna. "You're dead." She looked at him shocked.

"Dead? Sweetheart what are you talking about? It's me. I'm right here and I'm fine." She replied as she got out of the bed and walked around to him. "Johnny, you were dreaming. I'm right here." She said as she placed her hand on his cheek to let him know that she was real.

"Oh Shawna." He replied as he pulled her body close to him and then kissed her hard on the lips. "I was dreaming?"

"Yes you were dreaming. You were crying out in your sleep, 'Why you?' and that's when I woke you up."

"It was so real. We answered a call at the race track and you had been shot and died. Everyone was here at the ranch, and I blamed Jason because he was there with you and you were the one who got shot."

"Oh Johnny. I'm so sorry that you had such a horrible dream. But I promise you that I'm careful when I answer a call. Sweetheart, come sit down." Shawna led him over to the bed and took his hand in hers. His pulse was racing and he was very pale. "I want you to always remember that you and the rest of my family are the most important part of my life. I will never put myself in any kind of danger. I promise."

"I'm so thankful that it was all just a dream because I really don't think that I could go on without you." He told her as he kissed her again and again.


End file.
